This essay is 632 words. Usual criticisms are appreciated (Flow, extraneous details, voice).
Prompt 1: What objects tell the story of your life? (Rewrite)
If there is one thing in my room that has spawned countless stories and jokes, it would be my computer. I bought a quite expensive and powerful laptop a few years ago. It was a red ASUS ROG computer (though no one has time for specifics). I got it because my old computer was under-performing and I wanted to be able to play games with friends without oppressive input lag. My computer and I have gone through a lot together. I would never sell it or give it away.
My computer is a gaming laptop, which means that it is quite powerful compared to most laptops that people do work on. This not only means that it can handle more complex tasks than Uni provided computers, it can complete those tasks with ease and precision. You do not know how many homework assignments were completed in less than half the time using my gaming computer. The computer I use for school is a 2-in-1 tablet and laptop that is prone to crashing and being slow. It happens often enough that even Task Manager itself will read “Not Responding” when I try to close programs. Whereas my school computer is overloaded with pre-installed programs, my gaming laptop runs smoothly. Most of the time.
I also have many fond memories of playing games with friends on my computer, and remember them fondly. There are also times when I will just play a game by myself to relax and de-stress. I remember the first day of summer vacation after Sophomore year when I sat in my room and played Skyrim for 12 hours straight, getting out of my chair only to make myself food. It was a great time becoming a werewolf, exploring abandoned caves, and fighting dragons. I also always enjoyed playing games that require teamwork to accomplish a goal. Some examples would be when some friends and I bought Guild Wars 2, a multiplayer role-playing game, when it went on a 75% sale. We leveled up our characters to the maximum and did several dungeon runs. We would always try to accumulate the most gold and get the best items. I also did a lot of the story content with one friend, in which we slew a giant undead dragon to save the world. I still have the game downloaded on my computer, and have recently been trying to obtain some of the best gear in the game.
I also use my gaming computer for games offline. I really enjoy playing tabletop role-playing games with friends, and my computer allows me to research and record information at a fast pace. Countless adventures have taken place using this computer. There have been ninja with a kleptomaniac tendencies, warlocks who only use one spell, and all manner of other characters. Without the my computer, all of these sessions and characters would have dragged on at a slow pace, and multitasking would have been a problem.
Some people may call me antisocial for spending a lot of time on the computer in my time off. I refute these claims and instead say that I am being more social than I could be. My computer allows me to contact my friends and play games with them at any time. My parents repeatedly ask “Why don’t you just go over to their house and play with them?” Yeah, going over to someone’s house at 8:00pm is perfectly reasonable. And many of them live miles away. In my opinion, using the computer is way better. We would be playing video games anyways. Using my computer, I have strengthened relationships I have had with my friends, as well as created and experienced a variety of worlds and stories. I don’t ever plan to stop using my computer (unless it breaks).
Prompt 1: What objects tell the story of your life? (Rewrite)
If there is one thing in my room that has spawned countless stories and jokes, it would be my computer. I bought a quite expensive and powerful laptop a few years ago. It was a red ASUS ROG computer (though no one has time for specifics). I got it because my old computer was under-performing and I wanted to be able to play games with friends without oppressive input lag. My computer and I have gone through a lot together. I would never sell it or give it away.
My computer is a gaming laptop, which means that it is quite powerful compared to most laptops that people do work on. This not only means that it can handle more complex tasks than Uni provided computers, it can complete those tasks with ease and precision. You do not know how many homework assignments were completed in less than half the time using my gaming computer. The computer I use for school is a 2-in-1 tablet and laptop that is prone to crashing and being slow. It happens often enough that even Task Manager itself will read “Not Responding” when I try to close programs. Whereas my school computer is overloaded with pre-installed programs, my gaming laptop runs smoothly. Most of the time.
I also have many fond memories of playing games with friends on my computer, and remember them fondly. There are also times when I will just play a game by myself to relax and de-stress. I remember the first day of summer vacation after Sophomore year when I sat in my room and played Skyrim for 12 hours straight, getting out of my chair only to make myself food. It was a great time becoming a werewolf, exploring abandoned caves, and fighting dragons. I also always enjoyed playing games that require teamwork to accomplish a goal. Some examples would be when some friends and I bought Guild Wars 2, a multiplayer role-playing game, when it went on a 75% sale. We leveled up our characters to the maximum and did several dungeon runs. We would always try to accumulate the most gold and get the best items. I also did a lot of the story content with one friend, in which we slew a giant undead dragon to save the world. I still have the game downloaded on my computer, and have recently been trying to obtain some of the best gear in the game.
I also use my gaming computer for games offline. I really enjoy playing tabletop role-playing games with friends, and my computer allows me to research and record information at a fast pace. Countless adventures have taken place using this computer. There have been ninja with a kleptomaniac tendencies, warlocks who only use one spell, and all manner of other characters. Without the my computer, all of these sessions and characters would have dragged on at a slow pace, and multitasking would have been a problem.
Some people may call me antisocial for spending a lot of time on the computer in my time off. I refute these claims and instead say that I am being more social than I could be. My computer allows me to contact my friends and play games with them at any time. My parents repeatedly ask “Why don’t you just go over to their house and play with them?” Yeah, going over to someone’s house at 8:00pm is perfectly reasonable. And many of them live miles away. In my opinion, using the computer is way better. We would be playing video games anyways. Using my computer, I have strengthened relationships I have had with my friends, as well as created and experienced a variety of worlds and stories. I don’t ever plan to stop using my computer (unless it breaks).
I identify pretty strongly with what you're saying here, from the 12+ hour videogame sessions to the obsessive game research. Same thing with the 'anti-social' accusations. From a more technical standpoint, I don't see much in the way of reflection. You have a lot of anecdotes, so if you dropped one or two of them, you could put in some stuff about how your experience playing games with and without other people has affected your development as a person.
ReplyDeleteNice Essay. I liked this slightly abnormal perspective on video games as a social activity rather than just some anti-social thing that some people do. I liked the detail you used in this essay but I would also have liked to have heard more about what the computer means to you other than only hearing about it right at the very end of the essay. If you decide to do this maybe you could get rid of the part about homework to make space because that seems less central to why you like this computer.
ReplyDeleteGreat essay! The one thing that really stood out to me was that you started two paragraphs with "I also..." I think that changing the transitions to make them flow better could really improve this essay! Also, as Izzy mentioned, I would strongly suggest explicating your story throughout the course of the essay :)
ReplyDeleteI liked this essay a lot. I think it conveys your voice very well. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like the ultimate point is that video games are a great social activity. Maybe you could hint at this earlier, and build that point as you go, since right now you mostly make that point at the end. (Following Dante's lead, the only flow thing that really stood out to me was when you used 'fond' twice in one sentence.)
ReplyDelete